if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
