did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
