I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
