I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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