when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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