Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
