I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
