she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You can't motorboat a personality
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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