the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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