If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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