We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
