just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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