Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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