I smell stomach acid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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