The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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