I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
