Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
