I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
