They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
