3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
