I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
