capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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