I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
