so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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