If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
