You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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