I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
