you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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