Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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