Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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