you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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