I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
