Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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