Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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