Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Your dad touched me again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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