All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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