i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
