If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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