capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
