DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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