when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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