hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
