omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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