i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
