You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
