You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
