South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just pee around me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
