Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
