worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
