You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
