I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I touched a dick in church today
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
