so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
