naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
