I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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