I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
