Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
