Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
