I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
