Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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